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Sunderland on polished draft
5/18/2012 09:30:46 pm

Solid polished draft. Argument is pretty well flushed out. Most work needed is on expression. Following are comments/suggestions.

-Thesis generally good but switch order of main parts. Put rivalry part before geography part
-Map on 1st pages shows when?
-use button-links rather than text links (looks better)
-More development of before is needed. Connection to industrialization and demand for portable power. this is more than about lighting. Also, where does idea of using electricity come from?
-Should utilize the concept of a landing page. Landing page should be quite simple. It should include a topic sentence that expresses the main idea unifying all the associated pages. It then has links to all the associated pages. In other words, all the pages you have under the before heading should be unified with a topic sentence and then linked to on the before landing page. Same for during and after clusters.
-All pages need to have a topic sentence at the top of said page indicating big idea of that page
-When introducing GE and Westinghouse, order differently. Should go GE first, then Tesla and Westinghouse relationship, then Westinghouse company.
-Comparison of AC/DC should come before the ad campaign page
-You need to improve visual aspect of site. How about some pics fo 1893 World's Fair, diagrams of each system, graphs comparing info on each system (power loss over distance, cost of wire over distance), and maps?
-Link needed to paperwork
-separate pages for proc paper and bib
-put proc paper 1st
-put text of proc paper directly into weebly.

Overall: 45/50

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